doctor doctor

Doctor, doctor jokes are very old - not just in content, but as a type too. Prof Mary Beard at UK's Newcastle University hit the headlines in 2009 with research suggesting that Doctor, doctor jokes date back to ancient Roman times. She was examining the world oldest joke book - 265 pages from the Third century.

My own interest dates only from back in 1996, when at Ultralab I had a project engaging doctors - surgeons of thoracic medicine - in an online community of practice. It was effective and we learned a lot. A number of folk were involved - Andy Simpson did a lot of the work in the end.

But although the project was enjoyable, the surgeons got a bit down - so many of their patients die - and they wanted cheering up. So with them I set up a page on Jollyology to swap doctor doctor jokes in a spoof research project (they contributed, were "published", peer reviewed and could then add DJ - doctor of jollyology - to their names!).

Great fun, I've tried to remember their best contributions below (mail me others), but now use the jollyology domain as a link to work on Playful Learning, which I believe to be important.

Anyway - here are a good number of Doctor, doctor jokes:

doctor doctor jokes

Doctor doctor, I feel like a carrot
• Don't get yourself in a stew

Doctor doctor, I've swallowed my pocket money
• Take this and we'll see if there's any change in the morning

Doctor doctor, what happened to that man who fell into the circular saw and had the whole left side of his body cut away?
• He's all right now.

Doctor doctor, I'm at death's door!
• don't worry, we'll soon pull you through

Doctor doctor, my spouse is so ill, is there no hope?
• it depends what you are hoping for

Doctor doctor, Help me now! I'm getting shorter and shorter!
• just wait there and be a little patient

Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of wigwams
• the problem is, you've become too tense

Doctor, doctor I’m addicted to brake fluid
• Nonsense man, you can stop anytime

Doctor doctor, I couldn't drink my medicine after my bath like you told me
• why not?
well after I've drunk my bath I haven't got room for the medicine

Doctor doctor, every time I drink a cup of hot chocolate I get a stabbing pain in the eye
• Try taking the spoon out first

Doctor, doctor I feel like a sheep.
• oh that's very baaaaaaaad!

Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains
• pull yourselves together man

Doctor, doctor...I've just swallowed a roll of film!
• come back tomorrow and we'll see what develops!

Doctor, doctor I think I need glasses
• You certainly do missy, this is the fish and chip shop!

Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bell?
Hmm, take these and if it's not better soon, give me a ring!

Doctor, doctor I think I'm suffering from Déjà Vu!
• Didn't I see you yesterday?

Doctor doctor, What can I do? Everyone thinks I'm a liar?
• I find that very hard to believe!

Doctor doctor, I'm suffering from insomnia
• try sleeping at the edge of the mattress, you'll soon drop off.

Doctor doctor, what can you give me for the wind?
• here, try this kite

Doctor doctor, they've dropped me from the cricket team - they call me butterfingers
• don't worry, what you have is not catching

Doctor doctor, I'm really worried about my breathing
• We'll soon put a stop to that

Doctor doctor, people keep ignoring me . . .
• next please

Doctor doctor, I've got acute appendicitis
• You've got a cute little dimple too

Doctor, doctor, what's the quickest way to get to hospital?
• lie in the road outside

Doctor, doctor, I've only got 59 seconds to live
• just wait a minute will you . . .

Doctor doctor, I've heard that exercise kills germs; is it true?
• Probably, but how do you get the germs to exercise?

Doctor, doctor, I've lost my memory
• when did this happen?
When did what happen?

Doctor doctor, I've gone all crumbly, like a cheese biscuit...
• you're crackers

Doctor, doctor I snore so loud I keep myself awake
• Sleep in another room then!

Doctor, doctor you've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!
• Do you drink a lot?
Not really - I spill most of it!

Doctor, doctor, can I have second opinion?
• Of course, come back tomorrow!

Doctor, doctor I've become invisible
• I'm afriad I can't see you now

Doctor, doctor my nose runs and my feet smell
• I fear you might have been built upside down

Doctor, doctor I've broken my arm in two places
• hmm, I'd advise you not to go back to either of those places then

Doctor, doctor I keep thinking I'm a dog
• Sit on the couch and we will talk about it.
But I'm not allowed up on the couch!

Doctor doctor I've a strawberry stuck in my ear!
• Don't worry, I've some cream for that!

Doctor doctor I feel like a pony!
• don't worry, you're just a little hoarse!

Doctor doctor you said i'd be dead in ten - ten what? years? months?
• 10, 9, 8, 7, 6...

Doctor doctor I've become a kleptomaniac
• have you taken anything for it?
so far a TV, three sofas and a necklace

Doctor doctor an alternative medicine quack told us to put a LOT of goose fat all over grandad's back
• if you do that, he'll go downhill fast

Doctor doctor I've swallowed a fish bone.
• are you choking?
No, I really did!

Doctor, Doctor I’m scared of Father Christmas
• you’re suffering from Claus-trophobia

Doctor, Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots?
• I never make rash promises...

Doctor doctor I keep seeing spots before my eyes
• have you seen a doctor already?
no, just spots

Doctor doctor every time I stand up quickly, I see Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Goofy
• how long have you been getting these disney spells?

Doctor doctor I can't help it, I just keep thinking I'm a moth
• you need a psychiatrist not a doctor
I know, but I was walking past and I saw your light was on..

Doctor doctor I've got a cricket ball stuck in my bottom
• How's that?
Oh, don't you start...

Doctor, Doctor - I've got amnesia
• Just go home and try to forget about it...

Doctor, Doctor - they are saying in the waiting room that you've become a vampire...
• Necks please...

Doctor, Doctor - you have to help me out...
• Certainly. Which way did you come in?

Doctor, Doctor - I keep singing "Green green grass of home" - I think I have Tom Jones syndrome
• It's not unusual...

Doctor, Doctor - Aaa, Eee, I, oooh! You...
• I think you may have irrtitable vowel syndrome..

Doctor doctor I can't help thinking I'm a goat
• how long have you felt like this?
Since I was a kid..

Doctor, Doctor - I keep thinking I'm a caterpillar...
• Don't worry, you'll soon change...

Doctor, Doctor - I keep comparing things with something else.
• Don't worry, it's only analogy

Doctor, Doctor - I've a little bit of lettuce sticking out of my bottom
• Oh dear, I'm afraid to say it looks to me like just the tip of the iceberg



doctor doctor jokes

last updated on Wednesday, July 3, 2013 1:49 PM