Surfing Essentials


Desk Tidy
All computer desks are health hazards. For years it was assumed that this was due to the disgusting personal habits of heavy computer users but a research breakthrough has now revealed that the problem is digitally induced artifactal chaos, which explains why your GUI also looks like a junkpile although you haven't touched it or spilt coffee on it!. The scientists who made this breakthrough also discovered a solution but this is alas lost in their own DIAC. Until they recover it you can make real progress with this tasteful mop and bucket set crafted from virus resistant Hyperpropylene especially formulated for the Information Age.

You'll see a difference within days - try it on your friends desks too!



Bored with HyperSpace?
Fed up with navigating your way around cyberspace? Want to try the real thing? Our DigiScope offers all the functionality of a real telescope but functions like a Web Browser page!
See the galaxy as a scrolling field with infinite depth, click on a galaxy cluster for a pop up list of all (and we mean all) stars, wait for eons whilst 32 bit images of supernova struggle uptide against the digital stream that is reality, see black holes dithered into 1 bit, etc.
Amaze your friends.



Terminator IX
At last, a SCSI terminator that you can't lose. This functional, plug in, SCSI bus terminator is thoughtfully styled to reflect current cinematic idiom. Once plugged to your SCSI chain it will remember directory pathnames. If removed to another computer it will send a networked message to its original 'owner' detailing new location and the message "I'll be back", whilst systematically reading out loud all text from its new temporary home in an excruciatingly dreary bass monotone.

No-one keeps this terminator for long!!!



Virtual virtual reality in the privacy of your own garden shed!
You've seen Lawnmower Man and wondered how good it can be? Our virtual Virtual experience is a real lawnmower. Astound your cyberfriends with the tight resolutions of Real Reality (RR), with the smell and vibration of the 'mower and with the better that 44khz sound of its rusty exhaust. Our Real mower runs across all platforms, lawns and greenswards.

A ScriptX version is planned, but yet to be implemented although excellent and copious documentation is already released.



Static-free surfing.
Many cybernauts suffer unknowingly from static discharge up through their mousehand and down through their feet. This static flow swamps alpha wave activity in the brain with the result that after several hours in front of an Internet screen they are unable to talk with other people. Our CyberBoots, with capacitive discharge sole membranes, offer round the clock protection. Within minutes of putting on your CyberBoots people will begin to talk.

Do not confuse CyberBoots with cheaper inferior products.



Danger, this area under constant repair. A speed limit is currently in force.



Surfing Essentials: compiled by Stephen Heppell on Tuesday, June 21, 1994.