Doctor doctor, I feel like a carrot
• Don't get yourself
in a stew
Doctor doctor, I've swallowed my pocket money
• Take this and we'll
see if there's any change in the morning
Doctor doctor, what happened to
that man who fell into the circular saw and had the whole left side of
his body cut away?
• He's all right now.
Doctor doctor, I'm at death's door!
• don't
worry, we'll soon pull you through
Doctor doctor, my spouse is so ill, is
there no hope?
• it depends what you are hoping for
Doctor doctor, Help me now!
I'm getting shorter and shorter!
• just wait there and be a little patient
Doctor doctor, I feel like a
pair of wigwams
• the problem is, you've become too
tense
Doctor, doctor I’m addicted to brake fluid
• Nonsense man, you can
stop anytime
Doctor doctor, I couldn't drink my
medicine after my bath like you told me
• why not?
well after I've drunk my bath I haven't got room for
the medicine
Doctor doctor, every time I drink a cup of hot chocolate
I get a stabbing pain in the eye
• Try taking the spoon out first
Doctor, doctor
I feel like a sheep.
• oh that's very baaaaaaaad!
Doctor doctor, I feel like
a pair of curtains
• pull yourselves together man
Doctor, doctor...I've just
swallowed a roll of film!
• come back tomorrow and we'll see what develops!
Doctor, doctor I
think I need glasses
• You certainly do missy, this is the fish and chip shop!
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bell?
Hmm, take these and if it's not better soon, give me a ring!
Doctor, doctor
I think I'm suffering from Déjà Vu!
• Didn't I see you yesterday?
Doctor doctor, What can I do? Everyone thinks
I'm a liar?
• I find that
very hard to believe!
Doctor doctor, I'm suffering from insomnia
• try sleeping
at the edge of the mattress, you'll soon drop off.
Doctor doctor, what can
you give me for the wind?
• here, try this kite
Doctor doctor, they've dropped
me from the cricket team - they call me butterfingers
• don't worry, what
you have is not catching
Doctor doctor, I'm really worried about my breathing
• We'll soon put a stop to that
Doctor doctor, people keep ignoring me . .
.
• next please
Doctor doctor, I've got acute appendicitis
• You've got a cute little dimple too
Doctor, doctor, what's the quickest
way to get to hospital?
• lie in the road outside
Doctor, doctor, I've only got 59 seconds to
live
• just wait a minute will you . . .
Doctor doctor, I've heard that exercise
kills germs; is it true?
• Probably, but how do you get the germs to exercise?
Doctor, doctor,
I've lost my memory
• when did this happen?
When did what happen?
Doctor doctor, I've gone all crumbly, like a cheese
biscuit...
• you're crackers
Doctor, doctor I snore so loud I keep myself awake
• Sleep
in another room then!
Doctor, doctor you've got to help me - I just can't
stop my hands shaking!
• Do you drink a lot?
Not really - I spill most of it!
Doctor, doctor, can I have second opinion?
• Of course, come back tomorrow!
Doctor, doctor I've become invisible
• I'm afriad I can't see you now
Doctor, doctor my nose runs and my feet smell
• I fear you might have been built upside down
Doctor, doctor I've broken
my arm in two places
• hmm, I'd advise you not
to go back to either of those places then
Doctor, doctor I keep thinking I'm a dog
• Sit on the couch and we will talk
about it.
But I'm not allowed up on the couch!
Doctor doctor I've a strawberry stuck
in my ear!
• Don't worry, I've some cream for that!
Doctor doctor I feel like a pony!
• don't worry, you're just a little
hoarse!
Doctor doctor you said i'd be dead in ten - ten what? years?
months?
• 10, 9, 8, 7, 6...
Doctor doctor I've become a kleptomaniac
• have you taken anything for it?
so far a TV, three sofas and a necklace
Doctor doctor an alternative medicine
quack told us to put a LOT of goose fat all over grandad's back
• if you do that, he'll go downhill fast
Doctor doctor I've swallowed
a fish bone.
• are you choking?
No, I really did!
Doctor, Doctor I’m scared of Father Christmas
• you’re
suffering from Claus-trophobia
Doctor, Doctor will this ointment
clear up my spots?
• I never make rash promises...
Doctor doctor I keep seeing spots
before my eyes
• have you seen a doctor already?
no, just spots
Doctor doctor every time I stand up
quickly, I see Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Goofy
• how long have you been getting these disney spells?
Doctor
doctor I can't help it, I just keep thinking I'm a moth
• you need a psychiatrist not a doctor
I know, but I was walking past and I saw your light was
on..
Doctor
doctor I've got a cricket ball stuck in my bottom
• How's that?
Oh, don't you start...
Doctor, Doctor - I've got amnesia
• Just go home and try to forget about it...
Doctor, Doctor - they are saying in the waiting room that you've become a vampire...
• Necks please...
Doctor, Doctor - you have to help me out...
• Certainly. Which way did you come in?
Doctor, Doctor - I keep singing "Green green grass of home" - I think I have Tom Jones syndrome
• It's not unusual...
Doctor, Doctor - Aaa, Eee, I, oooh! You...
• I think you may have irrtitable vowel syndrome..
Doctor
doctor I can't help thinking I'm a goat
• how long have you felt like this?
Since I was a kid..
Doctor, Doctor - I keep thinking I'm a caterpillar...
• Don't worry, you'll soon change...
Doctor, Doctor - I keep comparing things with something else.
• Don't worry, it's only analogy
Doctor, Doctor - I've a little bit of lettuce sticking out of my bottom
• Oh dear, I'm afraid to say it looks to me like just the tip of the iceberg
doctor doctor jokes
last updated on
Wednesday, July 3, 2013 1:49 PM
heppell.net
